June 11 marked 18 years of marriage for Keith and myself. I want our girls to know how I feel about their dad, and how much I truly love him.
I can truly say that we know each other fully; we can be silent together, sitting in the living room or car, but still have deep communication going on between us. I can sense his moods and he can sense mine. One look at his face, and I know pretty certainly what kind of day he is having. I can listen to his breathing over the phone and know when he is stressed out.
Whenever something is bothering me, such as an annoying neighbor's dog using our porch as a restroom, he is able to give me a new perspective, food for thought, or words of wisdom that never fail to make me feel better. This is partly because he knows how I think about things and what pushes my buttons. This is also partly because just looking at his face makes me smile and calm down. His sense of humor can be alternately ridiculous, sublime, moronic, sophomoric, and delightful. He doesn't like to be too serious about anything. His way of dealing with bad news is to turn it over to God and go on his way serenely, or to make a joke and laugh about it.
He has learned to take care of himself and not take on someone else's problems, but he is also willing to help and expects nothing in return. If he doesn't want to do something or attend a certain function, he won't, and he won't feel guilty about his decision.
It took me several years to realize how he lets me know he would like for me to do something. For instance, he would say, "Do you want to go with me to Low;e's to pick out a ceiling fan?" He doesn't ever say, "I would like for you to come with me to Low.e's to pick out a ceiling fan." So, if I answered no, he would be disappointed and I would not understand why.
So, now I know that when he says "Do you want to ____________?" , that means he wants me to do whatever it is. Or, "Are you going to ___________________?", means the same thing.
Having children with him has been a lot of fun. He was so supportive of me whenever I wanted to buy tons of baby pictures, such as when Sadie was 3 years old and I spent about 300.00 on a package, and he never complained when the babies slept in our bed and kicked us all night, which sometimes still happens with Maggie. About 6 months ago, Maggie came into our room one night after a bad dream, and while trying to fall asleep again, she ran her fingers thru her long hair and let it land in his face over and over and over again, just as he was dozing off over and over and over again.
I am always glad when I see his car pull into the driveway, and when I hear him get up from a nap, because I enjoy being around him.
The foundation that Keith and I built, on which we based our life together, is getting stronger every day. I do not focus on his shortcomings, but only think of him as the man I need in my life.
He does have his shortcomings, as do I. Keith doesn't usually enjoy going to functions or social events away from home, unless it is a function involving his special group of friends. This is not a big problem for me, since I am a homebody at heart. Keith gets bored at plays, social funtions, etc, and wherever he is bored, he sleeps. He is able to fall asleep in waiting rooms, mass transit vehicles, and quiet, serious ceremonies.
I know just by looking at him if he is bored or irritated by something said by the presenter we are listening to.
I think he may sense the same moods in me, for he knows me as well as I know him, even though at times I hate to admit he is right when I am behaving immaturely.
Keith is very thoughtful and considerate, and apologizes if he feels he has caused me distress. He is also helpful in discussing things with me that are bothering me, offering sugggestions on dealing with the situation, especially if he wasn't the cause of the distress.
I have learned that he absolutely needs the freedom to walk out of the house and get in the car and go about his errands without having to "tell" me where he is going and why. I know this would drive some wives crazy, but I also occasionally do the same, especially if I have an hour's worth of errands to run. I don't question him when he returns about where he has been, and if I really want to know, I just watch and see what project he is working on.
We have arguments very rarely, and almost never in front of our kids. I often ask myself, "How important is it?", before bringing up something that is annyoing me, and I know he does the same. Our arguments are the silent type, not the screaming type, and if we go a full day without speaking, this is a noteworthy disagreement.
I cannot imagine my life without him, and I want to continue watching our relationship grow along spiritual lines. When we each turn our lives and our will over to the care of God, our lives become more manageable and we do not regret the past or wish to close the door upon it, and we instinctively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
So, my dear girls, now you know how I feel about your dad, how special he is to me, and what a special family we are.
Today: Since it's been too hot to be outside much, the girls have watched way too much TV. Tomorrow will be a no-TV day for Maggie. She will be reading and doing worksheets tomorrow and playing...
