Things I Have Learned About Grief....

It has been just over a year since we lost Keith; I have changed in many ways since then.  Grief changed me; it sometimes changes people who experience it.  I still can't really believe he is gone, but I have often thought lately that he is spending some of his time in heaven getting things ready for our eventual arrival there.  I know he is doing whatever the Lord allows him to do to make things ready for us.  He was always making things better for us here on earth.   I think about him every day, and truly know what it is to miss someone so much it hurts.
I have learned many things about grief in the last year; these things are things that have been true for me, in my experience.  Everyone is different, and what has been true for me may not be true for someone else.
Grief takes TIME.  For me, it took about 10 months for the initial shock of the death to wear off, even though I knew he was sick for about a year before he died.
Grief still comes up and catches me by surprise.
It really is true for me that some days are good days, and some days are bad days.  Or, a day can start out with a lot of emotion, and be better later in the day.
It helps to talk. A lot.  Find someone to talk to who is not afraid of your grief.  Our church has a ministry, called the Stephen Ministry.  It has been wonderful for me; I have been able to talk to my Stephen minister throughout the whole cancer experience.  Sometimes, she helps me to reflect on how far I have come; other times, she reminds me sometimes of how I was feeling the week before, and I am able to see that I no longer feel that way, that I have moved on or my thoughts have evolved during that week.
Exercise helps. It seems to push out some of the mental fog.
Not everyone wants to hear about the grief you are feeling.  In fact, most people in my immediate daily circle don't seem to be very receptive in discussing grief.  I understand; I think I was like that before.  But now, I will be less afraid to hear someone say they are having a bad day.  It also doesn't upset me to hear Keith's name.  I am glad he hasn't been forgotten.
There are some very insensitive but probably well-meaning people who will say unbelievable things to you.  You have to forgive them and move on.
I have always been a very healthy person; the first year after Keith's death temporarily changed that.
I had bronchitis, double ear infections, irregular heart beat, and a horrible sinus infection.   All of this sickness was so difficult for me, because I am used to being active and doing whatever I feel like doing.  But it was also key in helping me to slow down and experience the grief.  It gave me time alone to think and be still. 

Be forgiving of yourself when you are experiencing grief.  I know that several "important" things didn't get done in the manner in which I usually do them.  Even so, life went on.  I still don't feel as productive as I used to, but that is okay.  Things are different now.  It has helped me to realize that being a single parent is hard, and it is okay to say no, and not to add so many activities to our schedules. 
Realize that you may have limitations now that you didn't have before. 
Being happy or having good days does not dishonor your loved one.  It just means that you still have to live your life.
It helped me to realize that I had no say over when Keith was born; why should I be in charge of when he died?   I realize I had thought of him as belonging to me; he was mine.  In fact, that was not true.  He belonged to God all along, and still does.
Let the tears flow.
I can have a bad morning; good afternoon; vice versa.
I may never truly be "over it".
And that's okay.
He filled such a large space in my heart; I have to be patient with myself.
Grief, especially in the early days, causes irrational thoughts.    I remember thinking that a certain coach was singling out my child for humiliation on the ball court because she knew that my child no longer had a father at the game to stand up for her.  Looking back, I can say that while the coach was not nice to my child, it probably had nothing to do with losing Keith.  I think grief is just so overwhelming, it seems to seep into every area of life. 
Life will continue to bring challenges; having survived the loss, with God's help,  of someone so important to me, makes me believe that God will be faithful in all situations.